Chaotic Whisperer

MALING ADRES!!!

2007-11-03T17:21:00.000-07:00

hmmmm, mali pa la ung nabigay kong adress sa bago kong blog eto po ung link:

trueheartedwords.blogspot.com

New Account

2007-10-20T09:25:00.000-07:00

I'll create a new blog..this will be my last post for this site...
the new one will be named:

http://hartstrings.blogspot.com

take care...vera dorothy d. cruzem

IT PAYS TO SERVE THE LORD

2007-09-23T15:13:00.000-07:00

Sept. 24, 2007

6:20 a.m

medjo parang palakol ung iba, okay lang yon!

2.63 pala average ko, naputol kasi!

grabe, tagal ko nang walang update...

shocks, sobrang bait talaga ni Lord!

come to think of it?

I stiil can't believe that God has passed me in all my subjects this term..

I would've never passed any if not of His merciful hand upon me...

Sabi nga sa Romans 8:28

"For God causes ALL things to work together for the good of those who love him and are called according to His purpose for them."

And I am a living testimony

teka lang naman db?

2007-08-27T05:33:00.000-07:00

“Remember Oh God, all that I have done, and bless me for it…”
-Nehemiah

Hey, I am here again.. it’s been quite a long time since the last time I made a post in my site..well, what can I say? I feel really awkward these past few weeks, and if you are asking me…even I can’t explain it. Sige, like before, random thoughts ulit tau…

why is the quote, “the more things change, the more they stay the same,” seem like true to me na?
look, I have let go na…but hey, sabi ko nga sa recent post ko, I am still a human, and am still in-love with the same person. Together with that letting go process is the acceptance that there might never be a ‘vera p____l’ occurance, no more sweet nothings, no more early morning conversations, no more talk until you drop phone calls, and no more 6-footer protecting me, ever again (I hope not…). For, I think about a month or so, I really cried my eyeballs out, ung feeling na parang wala ng bukas para umiyak. Then, numerous of restless and sleepless nights came haunting me down. I really need to be very discreet in crying, in those days, coz my family might hear me, and I don’t want to be any kind of burden to them. I love them enough not to tell them that me and that guy’s days are all over. Until now, they are asking me wha’t up and what’s down regarding us. I just swallow and answer the safest that I can think, “uhm, okay naman po lahat mama…” pero ang totoo, hindi talaga okay coz there’s something wrong all along…

the more they stay the same,,,,shocks ang hirap pala talaga i-explain, but I hope you can get my point…:
In the month of mending and restoring, through God’s healing mighty power, I really had a tough time accepting everything—it’s basically like a culture shock for me. Cause, that was the first time, I really fell in-love with a Christian guy, then malalaman ko sa huli, kapareho lang siya nuing ibang guys jan. wala parin talagang kwenta ang lahat. Sige, nako lumalayo na ako sa point…balik tau ulit…pag let go ko, sumasaya na ako ulit. Then almost a month na ngayon, weekly he is texting and calling me again. But this time, I was not filled with joy in the occurrence. Fear ----that is what I am feeling now. Fear of failing again, fear of giving a piece of my heart away by hoping that he would love me again. It really seems like a big deal to me! Four straight weeks he is asking me to accompany him to my home church. Before kasi, talagang I was inviting him sa church, but he never was interested in going there naman. Tapus ngaun, parang nag-i-initiate pa siya na samahan ko siya sa church. It’s a good motive naman, kaya lang…it does still hurts! Just imagine with me, the fresh wound that was stitched by God’s hand is now being threatened to be unstitched because of that person’s doing.

And I have noticed that he is really doing ways to talk to me, like just for an instance----he texted me if I had hillsong dvds…if he could borrow one…eh we have common guy friends that are much more avid hillsong-nians than me noh…why borrow from me.

Isa pa, his teammate, Erwin ‘wency’ cornejo is my classmate in Mechanics, once we crossed paths sa canteen, and he just said awkwardly that “ui, hinahanap ka ni wency,” bigla ko nalang nasabi, “ah talaga..” then walked away. When I saw wency, sabi nya He was not looking for me naman daw.

Ano ba talaga ung taong yon? Ano bang gusto niyang mangyari,,,you know for three straight weeks, I really gave him reasons para lang hindi siya masamahan sa church….AYOKO na ulit masaktan…

I am so afraid, afraid of the unknown-----the unknown feelings he still possesses for me, until now. Time and my feelings are changing—but it seems like, as long as he is still around, clinging to me again, grasping onto my feet for a hold---everything stays the same…all the bitter and sweet memories..sometimes, I really hate reminiscing it once again.

It’s awkward to feel this way; I hope this would be over….coz the more I ponder about it…the more frightened I am becoming of being loved and left, after he says: “I AM DONE WITH YOU….”

I am still being a good and nice friend, but I hope one day—with all my might I could ask him, WHY he left, why he can’t wait, and why is he back…..

I am praying that he would try to compare me to his girl now, and say that: “si dotha hindi ganito mag-isip, namimiss ko siya kasi marami siyang nagagawa para sakin na hindi kayang gawin ni Jamie,,,sana hindi ko nalang iniwan si dotha…ang bait pa din niya, kahit madalas eh hindi ko siya iniintindi...pasensyosa siya, di katulad ni Jamie...”

Thy will be done Lord, don’t let me be bitter to guys again….

ohh rain...

2007-08-08T06:34:00.000-07:00

what runs through my mind now...
Hmmmmmm,
let me see....

since this morning, the rain hasn't stop pouring down, and seems like it will still continue for a couple of days.
that so-called chedeng chorva is calling his tagmate dudong or dodong, and it was said to be here in the Philippine area of responsibility tomorrow.
the good thing about it, there will be no classes in ALL levels! It alarms me to wake up as late as 1 in the afternoon..but the sad part about it--my body wakes up at 5 a.m, whether with or without the cooperation of my brain.
So what's the big deal? I really wanted to still sleep but my body says that it's time to get up and do something...as if its ticking the sound alarm telling me to get up lazy bum. (hey, I am not a bum! I am just trying to rest for a while,,amp :p) It is not all the time that there are seasons like these, so might as well get the most out of it---SLEEP until sundown(exag)
***
well, you see, I am still human--and I confess that I am still in-love with the same man I have been praying for quiet a long time now. The Lord answered my prayer, because I requested not to see him for a long time..It was only yesterday that I saw him. I have realized one thing in the process..that I am still young to think about chorva stuffs. And I think the 'kilig' factor stage is what satisfies me, not the deep intimate commitment or whatsoever you want to call it.
The fact that I saw him yesterday was already a blessing to me, and it put an end to a 4-week dry spell :p Right now, the encounter still stays fresh in my memory. As if it’s continuously playing in my real or media player. (it would be better if next time I’ll try to keep even the exact words in the scenario!) It’s not all the time that I can come across someone so stupid as that big guy. Yes, you read it right, I did call him stupid—stupid in the sense that he fell for me even though he knew the detours and caution sign that I am determined to have no commitment to any guy until the day I get my college diploma. Well, on the counterpart, I also am stupid to fall for him. Haha,, I really don’t care whatsoever if he is enjoying the company of a girl he is dating. What I truly care about is what is yielding on him. Is that girl a good or bad influence on him? That I don’t know. But I had all the resources in the world, I would love to know.
These past few weeks of not seeing him, I heard that he hasn’t gone to church since July(that’s so sad :c). But he keeps his devotions properly by meeting the Lord every night (makimaki, thanks for the info). The girl he is dating is not a christian, and she is teegee’s cousin-but nonetheless, still not a believer. On this stuff, I am really bitter-sweet. Why? Because I remember our conversations regarding this ‘do-not-be-yolked-with-unbelievers’ thingy. He would say that he will run from it. But now, as I am seeing it, he is indulging in. I just hope he gets out of it before something serious happens.
Well, enough of that stuff :p
I pray that he will seek more of God, and that God will deal with him. And I hope that he listens well.
***
I am happy that the cardinals won their game versus the letran knights. It was really nail-biting, but God is good to give the win and to keep their desire alive to be in the final four this season. By the way, to makimaki and tonton: nice hair cut. Groom well!
***
What the?! Its so late already, I didn’t even noticed it. Well that’s it for me now. Hhhhhhhhhhmmmmm, I wish I should have brought anything home to study, so that my time would be used wisely. Well, I’ll try to go to mapua tomorrow to get some stuffs home.
Night.

!God is good all the time!

UPDATE NO.2

2007-07-29T06:22:00.000-07:00

YAN ANG GUSTO KONG SABIHIN...

ang tunay na pag-ibig ay naghihintay kahit gaano kahirap at kasakit...

kasi hindi lang naman ako lagi nag-papahirap ng lalaking nagmamahal sakin (dati),

hindi rin ako nagpapa-hard to get...

at lalong hindi ako nag-papaasa..

ganun lang po talaga ako, kaya churi sa mga iba ang perspective pagdating dito

(pasensya po sa pagiging emosyonal ^o^)

ang masakit lang sa lahat ng nangyayari,

walang makaintindi sakin...

pero it's okay, bacause not all the time , people will be there to hear your side.

[para lang makarelease ako, gusto kong malaman ninyo]

mahal ko siya, pero hindi lang talaga siya mapakali at

naghanap na siya ng iba...

sayang...sayang...

why?

coz I already saw his "sincere" ways, pero wala eh..

ganun talaga...

pasensya sa pagiging bitter

^o^

naiiyak ko na sa Lord nang mga limang beses ang pangyayaring iyon...

kaya masasabi ko na okay na ko kahit papano...

isa pang masakit na bagay sa pangyayaring ito:

I lost my best friend--teegee

kasi couz niya ang chino-chorva nung lalaking itech...

nilason ni neil ang friendship namin, at pati ang kay teegee...

sayang ang isang taon,,

badtrip po talaga...

KAYA KO TO! with the Lord with me,

I will be fine and well

tutal naman, nabuhay ako dati nang wala silang dalawa,

ngayon---mabubuhay pa din ako kahit wala na sila!!!

HINDI SILA KAWALAN...AKO ANG KAWALAN NILA

((evil chuckles))

basta churi po sa mga pinagsasabi ko...

at sa mga kaybigan, salamat sa pag-comfort..

sa mga pinsan at kapatid na ma-churving(potpot)

thanks for letting me see beyond that big man...

I saw daylite (with sun cellular ^o^, acheche!)

"people who are not willing to wait will never be worthy of someone's love..."

[stupid but true]

update on dothz^o^

2007-07-08T22:32:00.000-07:00

I NEED YOU TO LOVE ME

by Barlow Girl

Why, why are You still with me?

Didn't You see what I've done?I

n my shame I want to run and hide myself

But it's here I see the truth

I don't deserve You

(Chorus:)

But I need You to love me,

and I,

I won't keep my heart from You this time

I'll stop this pretending that I can

Somehow deserve what I already have

I need You to love me

I, I have wasted so much time

Pushing You away from me

I just never saw how much You could cherish me

Cuz You're a God who has all things

And still You want me

(Chorus)

Your love makes me forget what I have been

Your love makes me see who I really am

Your love makes me forget what I have been

(Chorus)

*********senti mode**********

tagal na nang huli kong post....

hindi ko alam, pero hindi talaga ako masaya..

I mean, kahit anung pilit kong maging masaya,

sa labas okay lang ako.

pero pag ako nalang, shox

di ko na kinakaya..tsk3

pinipilit ko na hindi talaga ma-bitter kasi siguro may mga bagay na hindi ko talaga kayang mabago.. kasi may destiny na hindi para sayo pero pilit mong kinukuha---ganun lang talaga siguro.

Tama na siguro ung naging akin siya kahit sandali lang...baka prinepepare lang siya para sa taong para sa kanya..or kung para sa akin siya--di pa talaga ngaun.

so bakit ba ako nagkakaganito:

well eto po un

nalaman ko sa best friend ni papi na nakipag-date siya

sa pinsan ng best friend kong lalaki, kay tol.

noong thursday (July 19, 2007)

five times kami nagkita nung lalaking yon dito sa mapua

pero kahit isang beses, wala siyang sinabi sakin.

feeling ko nung araw na un, sobrang neglected ko talaga...

iniiwasan niya ako nang walang dahilan.

naiiyak talaga ako ngaun habang nagkekwento ako ngaun.

guilty talaga siguro siya...tinext ko nga si maki nung gabi, sabi ko.

"kua mac, wala lang huhuhu..."

sabi niya sakin:

'vera, lam ko na yan, pauwi na siya galing rob..'

tapus tinext ko si utol(t.g):

tol, ka-date ba ni papi ung couz mo?

(t.g):

yep tol, nasa rob sila ngaun. sabi ni insan ihahatid pa daw siya sa bahay.

(vera)

ah, ganun ba? pede ba malaman kung si papi ang nag-aya ng date?

(t.g)

opo, si papi po. sori, hindi ko un kontrolado...kaya mo yan tol

(vera)

with that, I think it's all over....thanks anyway

simula nung araw na un, hindi na ko nag-text kay t.g, kasama na din ang pag-sunog ng ilang sulat ni papi sakin for since October 22, 2006. i even tried to call him, but there was no response. I hate everything about it now. But I never want to be bitter.

I will stay strong, because I am suffering in silence

EVERYBODY thinks I am fine,

but I am Not...

tama talaga si mama...

wala nga siguro akong mapapala sa taong kilala...

sa isang taong sikat at tinitingala ng lahat ng tao dito sa school.

Marami nang nagsasasabi sakin ng iba't ibang bagay, hindi ko na alam kung sino ang pakikinggan...

masakit talaga ito, lalo na--tagal ko tong pinagpepray...

PERO ITS ALL OVER...

life must go on...

I should stay strong

or else, I will definitely have a breakdown.

Music Video:I NEED YOU TO LOVE ME (by Barlow Girl)

Music Video Code provided by Video Code Zone

What I hope for...right now

2007-06-27T00:47:00.000-07:00

June 27, 2007

3:48 p.m

everything is said and done,,

all I can do now is pray and hope for the best.

this has been one of the most terifying term in Mapua, and I believe that there is still more to come...But though this is a groggy term, it will not stop me from striving hard..

I did my part, though it might not be as what I have decided.

at guess what??

I FAILED THE LEAST EXPECTED SUBJECT

IE ADMAT...

ito pa naman ung super kinarir ko talaga...

anyweis, eto ang mga grades ko last term (2nd year-4th term)

IE281-5

HUM131-2

ENG411-1.75

PHY120-3

PHY120L-3

MATH106-3

madugo ang term na to..ang hirap pero ayos lang naman...

more than freedom

2007-06-12T02:11:00.000-07:00

June 10, 2007

Well, I am sorry about this confession time.

For the first 16 years of my life, I had this conviction:

"My heart will only be for the man that will ask my hand in marriage"

I was really dedicated to do it the way as planned.

I had my very first suitor, when I was in grade 6.. he was really nice *shane, ei:)* but I am just too young and really am not INTO him. So, you probably knew all along what has happened--I turned him down. Honestly, it was hard coz he was really a nice guy. And even after the time that I said no, he still continued to be my friend.

Then, God has blessed me again with suitors. (no pun intended! ^o^)But to my surprise, I was really convinced not to have any of them as my boy. Oh c'mon, I still remember how sad I was! I can still remember the pain of turning down someone, whom (I thought at that time) I can be with until I die.

When I was in the graduating class of 2005, I met someone that I hoped and thought of more often than anybody else. To tell you, he was not my friend, not even my best friend! *josh, i mizz you, ahuhu* I met him only on the net thru friendster. (Nako naman dothz!) Sorry for comparing, but he was different from any of them. He was athletic, God-fearing and a people-person. We started to chat and see each other (which I know wasn't right). Then, I realized I wasn't anymore into the conviction of reserving my heart for the man that I will one day marry. Because I got into him, REALLY into him. And there, I broke my own vow. That was really awful.

After a year, I got out of it and started on with my new phase in life. Everything felt so important-so pivotal. Any second that passes by, I really wanted to make the most out of it. I wanted to make people smile and giggle. I wanted to serve God fully, and hopefully by His grace and mercy, He could give me another chance to love and not make the same mistake as before. And in His mighty hand, He guided me well. ^o^ Lord, thank you ^o^

I am now determined to keep a clean slate until my graduation.

Since God has guided me well enough, He has allowed *bruno* to be around me, and I hope and pray that He will let *bruno* stay with me until the right time of the 'yes' to come out of my lips.

and this is my task right now:

not to make the same mistake as before

I wanted to please God above all

Also, stick with *bruno* with the right motives, in good ways and manners. Without compromising my own set standards just to please *bruno*.

He is really a Godly man, and I still need to wait and pray harder.

This is what I call more that freedom:

LETTING GO

and

LETTING GOD

My Waiting on God's plan

2007-06-08T19:10:00.000-07:00

June 09, 2007

Well, here I am again,,pang-update lang ng blog…

Wala Lord, salamat sa’yo—kung wala ka, di ko mararanasan ang mga ito ^o^

Growing up and turning down suitors wasn’t a big deal, until I came across this special guy that made my world turn a hundred and eighty degrees. Well, what am I saying? You might think that napaka-confident ko naman sa mga pinagsasasabi ko dito. Okay, I will lay down my some of my cards (naks! English…*nose bleed*)

June 24, 2006---he was my seatmate sa opening ng NCAA 82nd season

June 29, 2006---naging ka-org ko siya sa CCC

July-September---coverage ng NC, pag wala daw ako hinahanap niya ako ke Ninong (**Ninong-taicho!! Elo**)

Sept. 23-26--- LTI ’07, kasama siya, sean, johper, at t.g sa Rizal Re-creation Center

Oct. 22---bday niya, debut-debut, Sunday, game versus JRU sa CCL---talo! ^o^

Oct. 23---nag-celebrate siya sa tambayan-hay nako, ako ang promoter-ginawan ko pa siya ng card na pormang jersey---pinasign sa mga kasama sa tambayan. Pati ang mga dunkers: macky, sean, t.g, jopher, and wency

Nov. 8---nag-patulong sa RESEARCH daw, pero later on, nalaman ko wla naman talagang research. Tsk, tsk

Last week ng December-January 1’07---simula sa Laoag hanggang makarating akong maynila----ka-text ko po siya.

January 17---naku, umiral ang pagkaselosa ko sa kanyang pinsan!!!! Wahahaha, kakahiya

Januay 18---tsk, tsk, tsk,,debut ko pa naman, pinaiyak niya ako—hindi niya alam na bday ko!!! Ang kapal talaga, nanghiram pa ng calcu nung umaga! Bitter mode lang

February 14---haha, basta un na un….

18---tagaytay blues…nako!!! Badtrip! Naiisip ko siya nung araw na to!!!!

22---IE plant visit, nag-text ng toooooootttooooooooottoooooo*some text missing*

March 13---nagpatulong sa written report---*eerrr, nagkainitan* pero naaus naman

19---aheeee, ang ganda ng dream ko

29---umagang-umaga nasa Mapua, pupunta kasing Balayan eh!! Nakita ko si Sean at tinawag ang bakulaw kong irog

April 4---nakita ko ATA siya sa resort kung san kami nag-camp…SIYA talaga ata un e,, yaw lang umamin nung tinanung ko—kasi nakita siya ng sis ko at tinitigan niya---syempre sabi ko napakalayong mangyari yon.

12-13---salamat kay P2! Tinawagan niya ako gamit ang suncell

May 17---nagpatulong magbenta nung pep tickets! Harhar! Tas may game sila versus CSB

28---si Dothz, tampururot

29---Kinuha ang ticket *refer to my blog regarding bruno*

30---papampam lang, kasama si utol…tsk naabangan nananaman ako sa labas (*phen, mando, beshan, salamat sa pagsabay pauwi*)

It took me almost a year before I realized that he was a gift freely given to me by God. Isn’t amazing? God is the scriptwriter/director of this wonderful fairy tale. But everybody knows that even a fairy tale has its own “anti-happily ever after” conflicts…and here are my own conflicts:

June 6---pinag-cover ako ni Ninong ng semis game versus Tangaraws (peace)…talo! Talo! Talo! Ggggrrr! Aba, inisnob na nga ako, sinabihan pa ako ng patalo! Ang kapal! Harharhar! Dahil ba kasama ang pinsan niyang mag-sexy sakin, itchapwera nalang ako? C’mon, wala na nga akong ginagawa eh..siyempre, bitter ang lola mo! Nagtext ng gabi,, humihingi ng pasensya sa ginawa niyang ka-karengkengan…sabi ko naman sa kanya ttttooooooooooooottttoooooooooooo*some text missing*

7---bday of mah sista! Sabi ni tessie nasa canteen, naka-shirt at shorts daw si papi. I was not even intending to see him, kaya lang ako ay nauhaw at nangaylangan dumaan ng canteen…haay! Ayan na ang mga higanteng anino! Mga mamaw! Eehhhhww!! (sabi ko sa sarili ko: Oh no Lord, please sana wala siya sa mga mamaw na ito!) Sobrang humorous ni Lord—aun andun siya…ako ay yumuko hangga’t wala ng maiyuyuko…ayun, halatang-halata ang pag-iwas ko..ako po ay hinarang ng mabangong mamaw—siya poi yon. I swerved left to right (ah nagpatintero!) sa pangatlo kong iwas, may nangyari (sa mga nakakaalam kung ano un., atin-atin nalang po!) eto po un: tooooootototototooooooooooooototott*system down* tapus umalis nako. Actually pinahalata ko talaga na inis ako sa ginawa niya kahapon---harhar! He texted me kung galit ba daw ako, sorry daw—hmmmm malamang.

Sana ung karugtong na script na ginawa ni Lord maganda na ang samahan nung dalawang bida!

Wala, un lang..pero nagtext padin ako,,un nga lang di masydo sweet..pero gang ngaun talagang siguro guilty padin siya sa ginawa niya…basta gagawa ako ng paraan para maging okay kami ulit.

I have learned that this is not a small matter anymore—halatang-halata na ung koneksyon…so I should learn to forgive and forget, and to give and take. I am determined to do something about this matter—coz I don’t want to lose him. He is such a darling. I have to eat my pride once and a while, just to come and meet his expectation.

Sabi nga ng friend ko, si ate Rose: Vera, even though you’re waiting on God upon this matter, realize also that you have to do your part. God made him find you na nga di ba? Do your part, kahit walang commitment, make him realize that you are worth waiting for….(ate Rose, salamat!)

Aww, and I will. Kahit magmukha akong tanga, gagawin ko..

Proverbs 16: 3
“Commit your work to the Lord, and then your plans will succeed.”
Psalm 37: 4
“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires.”

why am I still single?

2007-06-06T17:32:00.000-07:00

June 7'07 (my sister's bday)

what a great question....tsk3

honestly, I am also asking the same question...

"WHY AM I STILL SINGLE???"

After year about pondering on this particular matter, I have landed into this conclusion:

"I am still single because, God has not yet allowed me to."

come on, how super spiritual, but that is how everything's goin'...

I am at His disposal..

Most of the times, just thinking about the thought of it makes me want to cry my eyeballs out. As in really cry it ALL out. If I could exaggerate for a moment---I want to cry blood! (waah, ang reckless ko nman!) It makes me most of the times, soooooo lonely, alone and very, very single. haay, buhay nga naman oh... tama na ang drama dothz, kagabi ka pa nagmumukmok! ^o^

but what makes me more fond of being single right now are the following things:

1. I can do things without being guarded by my boylet *wahehe*

2. I can spend more time with my family, which I cannot do anymore when I am in a relationship

3. I can still wear boyish outfits

4. I don't worry too much if I eat a lot!

5. less stress ^o^

another perspective of everything I said, singleness is still a gift that I can keep and develop for my future mate(wow sabaw,lalim!)

cguro ang dami kong di nagagawa pag-may bf...awawawawuuuu

wala lang

ang kaibigan kong mga pugo....

2007-06-03T20:07:00.000-07:00

June 04, 2007

wahehe, ang galing ng cards versus letran!

astig talaga si jonathan banal, 23 pts., pa

tsk...7 pts, neil pascual,,fouled-out ^o^

nwei, tas namizz ko lang ang tatlong pugo, kaya ilalagay ko sila dito (papampam lang)

si t.g,neil,sean

ahehe, wala lang

ang libreng Php1,500....

2007-05-31T23:48:00.000-07:00

ahaha, di man ako nakapunta sa game nila best friend t.g sa ninoy aquino, at nakanuod ng pep ralee na nilangaw sa gymnasium....ako naman ay hindi nabigo at naging masaya parin sa pagkain sa isang buffet sa makati shangri-la na ang tawag ay circles...
kamusta naman ang pagkain ng iba't-ibang putahe...hahaha...pero nakakatawa dahil ang una kong pinuntahan doon ay ang INDIAN delicacies...ahaha.
english ng english ung naka-post dun, kala niya bumbai ako, at talagang kinarir ko naman ang scenario....
kumuha ako ngkebab at biglang sinabe,,
"SALAMAT PO SA SHAWARMA..."
nagulat ung girlalu at di na tumingin sakin...
nakakatawa talaga...everybody thinks i'm a foreigner..
^o^
edi kainan galore na, siyempre
dahil first time sa place na yon, ito ang ilan sa mga pagkain na kinain ko at iba ang aking itinawag...

SOXAL terms:

coleslaw--japanese garden

shot glass--asukal pala yan para sa iced tea

milo--chocolate mousse pala yan

iced tea--ahemm, tubig nalang sana,bottomless pa!

fish ball--nut-coated chocolate

sayote--green melon

burger--frosted ice cream

gulay--salad

taho--crebulet(ata spelling)

ref cake--chocolate with vanilla mousse

dinuguan--marshmallow dipped into the luscious chocolate fountain(yumyum)

ang tsalap kumain kahit namimiss ko si papi ^O^
di bale, masaya naman ako eh...
at sigurado masaya din naman siya...

nga pala,,ahehe, hindi natuloy ang date namen ni "BRUNO"

di kasi pumayag ang aking mga magulang...haha,

at ni-respect niya un...

kaya pinera nalang ^o^

nag-mukha tuloy akong money

huhu

pero okay lang

simultaneously sa event na ito ang pep rally ng cardinals...

well ayon kay tesseeee eh

mabait si papi, behave siya..

kasi may instance dun na sinuotan ng mga "sexy" girls ang players ng mapua, tas may kiss pa from them and from nap gutierrez...ahehehe

si papi, walang emosyong masaya nang sinuotan ng jersey at di pa ku-miss sa girlalu...

ahehe, i'm happy that neil is changing continuously...

and I KNOW THAT GOD IS STILL IN CONTROL....

ahehe, nawala ang COMMENT link ko, kasi pinagawa ko lang to ke tesseee eh...ahehe di ako magaling sa blog arrangement...

para sa next date with "BRUNO"

i will PUSH!

pray

until

something

happens...

ayeekeee.. O_o

2007-05-28T23:26:00.000-07:00

May 29, 2007

2:44 nang hapon!!

ayee....aheeee,,ako ay kinikilig

eto ang dahilan....

sa text messages ko ngaung araw na ito, kasama ang mga ito:

message 1:

dot dothz

reply 1:

oh? batet?

message 2:

dothz, ola! como estas. may bibili pa ba sau? pd nb makuha?

reply 2:

xur, kea lang may class ako ngaung 9 am, w300

m3:

gang wat tym k jan?

r3:

gang 1030 lang, tas break, tas class ule

m4:

ok. tx kta kpg punthn kita.

r4:

ukie, jz let me know.

---after mga 30 mins ko na pagiging paranoid sa lahat ng dumadaan sa labas ng w300, ngtext xa uli---

m5:

dito nako sa labas

---aba ang lola mo, nagulat sa kanyang nakita,,ayeee ako ay kinikilig talga---

---edi xmpre lumabas ako para ibigay ang mga chorvang tiket!---

ang mga dakilang dialogue na ayoko kalimutan

(para sa kaligtasan ng mga tauhan, kilalanin si dothz bilang si koring at ang lalaki bilang si bruno)

bruno: oh, mzta? ilan tong mga tiket?

k0ring: mga 36 ang nabawas, tas 33 palang anjan, to follow ung 3 pang bayad

bruno: oh magkanu na tong andito?

koring: php. 4,950 yan, akay apap pa ung 450.

b: cnung apap?

k: ung tumutulong satin mag-benta

b: huh? ewan ko...ahehe

k: oh kelan mo kukunin ung bayad nung iba?

b: baka bukas nalang...para mag-mit tau

k: nyok, napaka-corny ah :p

b: basta, mit tau ah.

k: cge cge, layas na may klas ako...

b: hmp, yabang mo *sabay kurot sa braso ko*

k: ewan! pampam...

b: joke lang

---ayun, edi ang lola mo, tsoblang kilig..wat the tooot tooot...at naramdaman un ng sitm8 ko..ahehe halatang halata..pra akong baliw kaka-ngisi mag-isa---

reply 5:

ayee, namiz kita ah..baliw ka talaga...adik pa :p

m6:

ahehe, salamat ha..punta pala kami kay ma'am reyes, sa mama ni joshua. may lunch kami.

r6:

ah talga? kaya pala ang pogi mo ah. ahahaha. ingat ka.

edi KALA ko tapos na un, hindi naman kasi ako humingi ng kapalit nung pag-tulong ko sa kanya, kasi it's my joy to help people

mga 12:20 pm sa w310...

*beep*beep*beep*beep*

m7:

san ka? san mo gusto trit kita? may bngay ng comisyon e

r7:

talga? trit mo ko? ahehe, gusto ko nyan, kaya lang may quiz ako ngaun eh! mea usap tau ah?next time nalang kaya

m8:

sige, kaw bhla..san mo ba gusto?

r8:

mea nalang, kasi mag-rereview pa ko eh. usap nalng tau

-end of messages-

eto ngaun ang problema ko, since siya ang taya, at ako ang inaaya. I'm the one deciding daw on that matter, pero i want him to decide, since he did the initiating. Kea lang ayaw talaga niya, treat naman daw niya eh! name my price ba ito?

plan 1: watch pirates of the caribbean 3,then eat during the movie

here are the pro's and con's----

pro's

-ma-eenjoy ko ang libreng sine

-package pa with the man I love

-madilim da sinehan...at....ahhehe joke lang

con's

-di kami makakapag-usap ng maayos

-di ko ma-eenjoy masyado ang company niya dahil sa oras na un ang gwapo lang sa paningin ko ay si Johnny Depp...at Orlando Bloom

---nako, ayoko nung ganun tipo,,kelangan mag-kausap kami---

plan 2: eat at pizza hut and chat

pro's

-ma-eenjoy ko ang libreng pizza hut

-makakasama ko ang lovidubs ko

-makakapag-usap kami ng matagal

con's

-di masydo mabubusog dahil nakaka-dyahe kumain

-nakaka-ilang kasi sigurado magtititigan lang kami doon

-ma-sta-stammer mag-salita, mauubusan ako ng sasabihin

----whoe, what should I do? haha, helpingness----

i indeed need an answer before friday

tenkishness

eto ang cell number ko....

0906-2880400

0922-8454867

text nyo ko

my only wish...

2007-05-28T01:35:00.000-07:00

The only thing that matters as of this moment is his genuine, cute and rather stunning smile. His long back hair and his sweet smelling hugo boss scent is all I want. To touch his head through his whopping height, and it doesn’t matter if I have to do a tiptoe. As long as I can caress him, even just for a minute—is like a heaven on earth. Yeah, I am satisfied, truly satisfied.

Ow, how I wish I could see him right after this blog entry. wahuhu, wla lang

pics lang....

2007-05-25T21:14:00.000-07:00

wala lang puro mga pictures ko, kasama ang mga tao sa paligid ko....

at the edge....

2007-05-25T20:23:00.000-07:00

May 26, 2007

Isang araw sa loob ng builder office, tsk3...pero aus lang ganun talaga...

eto ang tumatakbo sa isip ko ngaun:

1. panu kaya ung mag-link (balibhasa, hindi ako nag-aus ng blog ko!!!)

2. ahaha, nakakatuwa mag-blog pagkatapos umiyak ng isang buong gabi ^o^

3. bakit ba madalas nalulungkot ako kahit walang sufficient reason?

kanyoknyokan,

well, kwento ko nalang ung driver ng tricycle sa'min kaninang umaga...

wahehe, bangag ata un, kasi naman pumara ung babae, tas sinakay nung driver tas mga ilang minuto pa, binaba ung babae...edi nagalit ung babae...tas nilapitan ko na lang ung babae..wahehe, natatae daw ung driver!! aun humaripas sa motor! *broom broom*

Naku, belated happy birthday sa'king seat mate na si Arjay DL, kahapon...Jay, libre! wahehe

nanoud pala ako ng 50 first dates nung wednesday, sobrang magaung mata ko...

hope one day I'll bump into someone who will take time to introduce himself to me every single day,, and make me fall for him again and again and again...

well, may biglang tumakbo sa isip ko ngaun

4. naku, pambihirang pampam yan! di ako namimizz..wahehe

di bale, namimiss din ako nun,kealang pinipigilan niya

sabi nga ni ate anna sa isang text msg...

"I'm sad becoz I can't be with the one I love...

But what I didn't realized,

is that...

someone is in much deeper pain...

for not having me..."

wahehe, nga naman

Tag lang: thanks again teegeefor the cute messages and jokes na corny...tol, papampam ka talaga...

wla lang naman

2007-05-25T20:20:00.000-07:00

well haay, ang init talaga... summer term nanaman dito sa mapua...na'ko at nakita ko nanaman ang prof kong nagbigay sakin ng masamang bakasyon dahil sa singko nyang pabaon...tsk3 talaga...
ahehe, teka ang laki ng pinuti ko nitong bakasyon! kahit papanu, di na masyado malayo ang kulay ng braso ko. nyahehe talaga..
anu pa ba, para lang ma-upload itong blog ko,,,,chika-chika talaga ang buhay na ito...well, ganun talaga ang buhay
okay naman ang buhay ko, sana talaga eh maging ok narin ang lahat sa lovelife ko...marami kasing sinasabi ang ibang tao sa paligid. di ko tuloy alam kung sino ang paniniwalaan ko. Di ko naman talaga alam kung anu ung mga sinasabi nila na naririnig na masama tungkol kay taba eh. basta, na-bobother lang talaga ako, dahil ung mga bagay na yun hindi ko naman naririning ng first person point of view. Pero sana dumating ung point, siya mismo magsabi sakin na meron nga talagang ganun. haay, haay, haay..
wala lang, para lang ma-update itong blogsite ko...di ako marunong maglagay ng tag board. tsk3, kakainggit ang ibang blog, ang daming lamang comments
gang dito nalang muna....

in another lifetime...

2007-05-25T20:15:00.000-07:00

December 29, 2006
For many months, I have been praying for this one special thing to occur into my life. And guess what? On this faithful day, my special prayer has been answered. He asked me if I can be courted. And oh my goodness, my heart pounded so fast that a split-second that it will stop, will kill me! (Only an exaggeration) But my joy was suddenly filled with sadness. A sadness that is too much to bear, too much for my slender mind can contain. Why with the sudden sadness? I remembered the vow I made to God and my parents. That is, not enter into a relationship not until I graduate. Whoe, I mean, I have been praying for this man for years. Then he came into my life, I think too early for me to handle. And oh, how I yearned to bring back the day I made that vow, so that I should have refrained from swearing. So what did I do at that moment? I stopped, remained silent and then took a deep breath. I rejected his heartfelt offer of happiness. Those words shattered my greatest hope to be with him. T_T I love him so much yet I need to follow my parents… And I know, in the long run---I did what is best for both of us..at least, it will also be a test, IF he will wait for two loooooong years just to be with me. Whatever it is that will happen years from now, I am praying hard, that if not in this lifetime of mine that he will be mine, there will always be a next life to be with him. I am HOPING, BELIEVING and PRAYING that my other lifetime will be two years from now. (Mushy huh..) ^o^So in this first blog for year 2007, I am missing that man. God might be dealing with him many things that I may not understand, but I will just trust God—because He knows what is best, whether or not it is good on my sight. Eto ang kanta ko para sa kanya.
The picture above is the portrait of my family at the Jumbo Floating Restuarant, wala lang.
I could hold on for a hundred years
When all else is goneI would still be here
In a memory of things yet unseen
I’d remember all that we’ve never been
And I cannot wait to see
What life has in store for me
Chorus:
In another lifetime It would be forever
In another world Where you and I Could be together
In another set of chances I’d take the one’s I’d missed
And make you mine
If only for a time
My life would matter
In another life
And I’d stay as strong and I’d stay as true
And you’d have forever now to think it through
Coz I believe what wasn’t meant to be
Wasn’t meant for now but
Someday you’ll see
In a place and time we never know
I’d be standing there waiting for you
Repeat Chorus
Bridge:
You would be mine
But until that time is now
I’d be holding on somehow
Repeat Chorus
CODA:
But until that timeI
’ll be holding onto forever
Until another life

no one could ever replace....

2007-05-25T20:11:00.000-07:00

let me be selfish for a moment..just for this certain entry, please forgive me...(whoever is caring enough to read this..)let me be in the melancholic mode....and let me soak into it just for a moment...the last time I cried hard was when my best friend died due to a car accident years ago. It was the most tragedic part of my life as of now. Until now I can still remember the pain and agony that I was feeling at that time. Recalling the moment when everybody was silent, I was thinking it was only a joke. I was thinking that it was a surprise gift for me, because he died three days before my birthday. I was revising the fact that he was gone, because I felt the pulse of his heart, even though his body was as cold as snow. As of this writing, I am in tears deep within the soul. Why just deep down? Because, I cannot cry my heart out. Makikita nila na umiiyak ako... I never cried sa school. So just have to keep it silent. If you can imagine the roaring of the seas on a stormy night, that is what I am feeling. The sad part is, I am still lingering to the fear of loving someone and loosing him in an instant. I hate it, I just hate it.I remembered the words I told his mom during the first night of his wake, "tita, dito lang ako..kaya nyo po yan.." I can't remember how many bucket of tears I filled that night. I promised myself to continue with my life and forget him already. Which I really did cope with all these times. but now, i cannot take it anymore. I MISS HIM BADLY....I really do..I wanted to hold his hand tight, weep on his shoulders and let his hand wipe away the tears away from my cheeks. The only one who can tolerate all my childish acts and giggles, and the only one who can laugh louder than me..it has always been him...whoe, I miss him..Right now, all I can remember is his face and eyes...I really want to cry...but I cannot...If I would be given a day to spend with him, I would wish to return the old days..but it is only a big big IF, never to happen...even in a million years..I should have not allowed him to go out late that night,, if I did not said yes, he would have been here, right now...Why until now, I cannot let him go?...Is there something in him that I continue to linger on??but I think, it is time...I think I should really release it all right now...I can't go to the U.S to visit you in the columbarium, so I will just say it here...Josh, I love and miss you so much. Kung pwede lang, di na talaga ako maghahanap nang iba para lang sa'yo. Kaya lang wala ka na rito. Pero kasi, akala ko magagawa ko yun. But I really have to bid goodbye. Kasi as long as I am still devoted to you, I cannot move on with my life. I have to face the fact that you are certainly gone from my physical sight. Bye-bye best friend. I may sound mushy, but for the last time, I will be saying the words I said on the phone the night he died, "josh, i love you..."

creeping groupmates...

2007-05-25T20:07:00.000-07:00

1. whoe pare, ang kapal ng mukha ng mga tao sa group 6...thanks talaga dun sa mga tumulong sakin, si christian at si japoy...thanks talaga...ewan ko talaga...badtrip...kahit kelan, di pa ako naiinis ng ganito...kasi ganito un, firstly badtrip talaga ako dahil may quiz pala sa humanities, tapos akala ko sa management may quiz, tapos dun pala wala...haay...di ako natulog kagabi para lang mag-aral....secondly, edi wala ngang quiz sa management, tapos eto naman ang ibibigay samen, CASE 3 and CASE 4...at biglang banggit nung mga nakakainis na tao sa group 6 na nasaan na daw ang case 4..nagulantang ako sa angas ng dating nila,,,as if naman diba? GROUP WORK NGA EH...tapos nagrereklamo pa sila pagmababa ang grade na makukuha namin sa mga case studies, eh di naman sila gumagawa...KAPAL TALAGA...kulang nalang iyakan ko sila, ang bait na nga ng approach ko sa kanila. Kung baga sa mga OT terms, meron nang kutsarang may laman na pagkain, ang gagawin nalang nila ay nganganga at mumuya...anu ba yan, gusto pa ata nila, ako pa ang magpamuya sa kanila...badtrip talaga..kakaibang mga nilalang...sabi pa nga nila sakin eh, magyoyosi lang daw sila, at pag-balik daw nila dapat tapos na ang case 4...para pipirma nalang sila at aalis...kamuzta naman ang buhay nilang mga hari-harian...haay, badtrip parin talaga...di ko nga nilagay pangalan nila sa case study, nainis na talaga ako kanina sa mga ginagawa nila...buti nalang talaga, inawat sila ni kuya erwin..haay, ang ka-dorm ng aking lovidubs...si toooot...si tooot...grabe, sobrang kumanpante ako nung pinatigil sila ni kuya erwin...haay, may second savior *nyak*....biglang banggit sakin, "di ba ikaw si vera dorothy cruzem??" *bah, whole namen pa talaga..* sabi ko naman, "san mu nalaman ang pangalan ko?" biglang ngiti at nag-sabing "secret, di ko sasabihin sayo...basta, merong nagpapabantay sayo.." ako naman, gulantang na at wala ng malay, bwahehe...gulat ako ah!!!...asa pa akong pinababantayan ako ni toooot no...e di naman kami nun eh...sabi ko nga..hanggang panaginip nalang ako dun, kahit kelan di un magkakatotoo...basta, natuwa lang ako sa approach niya...haay..naku, malapit nang mag-bell...ahehe bye bye na...

--pic namen yan ng sis kong bruha, sa web cam--

almost there....

2007-05-25T20:01:00.001-07:00

haay...
eto nanaman ako...
kakaiba talaga kahapon...
sabi ko sa sarili ko maaga ako pupunta sa school para sa builder exams...
pero anung nangyari!!! my goodness, kamuzta naman ang buhay kakaintay sa tricycle...
pero ang saya ko talaga kahapon, kasi malaki sana ang chance na makikita ko siya...parang 80/100 ang percentage na makita ko si kuya.. feeling ko, malaki talaga ang pag-asa ko kahapon...
teka bago ako lumayo sa gusto kong iparating...eto na ang dahilan kung bakit ako nag-bo-blog ngayon...meron kasi akong ikekwento...
its about the man that I am staring from afar...the man that I call my heaven on earth....the thing is that he is only my dream...and it will never come to past...
haay buhay...alamang pag-lukso...PATAY!!!
well here it goes, last wednesday kasama ko si sir ninong na nanunuod ng game ng mapua...kamusta naman ang expose na sa T.V, (daming nag-text sakin ah)....just take note na more than 20 times yung camera na punta sa side namin..kasi naman, bakit kailangan pang umupo sa pinakamalapit na row sa cardinal bench...tsk...tsk...tsk...talaga...ewan ko ba...adik na ako? kala ko nga matatalo kami sa letran...dahil mukhang mga paladasal sila sa mga buddha..kasi naman napansin ko lang na halos lahat ng mga players ng letran, ay kamukha na nung pari nilang president..ahehe ^o^...
oh yun, tapos ibang klase talaga ang defense ng cardinals, at take note naman ang rubber shoes ni kuya ang favorite verse ko nakalagay na sa kaniyang shoes...ahuhuhu..PHIL. 4:13...astig..haay, lalo talaga akong naiinlove...then I just remembered myself jumping a couple of times and kukuha ng panakaw na tingin sa aking langit...^o^
tapos, panalo na kami...yehey!!!! ahehehe...
talo letran...bwahehe...peace ^O^
tapos eto na, sumusulyap ako sa lahat ng mga players na lumalabas ng dug out...ahuhu...unfortunately, I did not see him...then I started to stroll my eyes all over the stadium to see a guy in white shirt and maong shorts...tapos hayun!!! kita ko siya...kita ko talaga.
after two quarters nung next game ng beda tulo laway at pcu sardinas...umalis na kami ni sir ninong...at eto ang kakaba-kaba kong puso...nararamdaman ko ang puwersa ni kuya sa paligid...pero ako'y pa-dedma parin, sobrang padedma parin talaga...
biglang may tumawag sakin by my surname, "CRUZEM..." oh, no,,is this it...c'mom...haay ibang klase talaga, kaya pala ako kabado..nakita ko siya...
sobrang kaba ko...snobbish tuloy dating ko...ahuhuhu...T_T...sinabihan niya ako ng isnobera...nakakaiyak...
isang gabi akong di nakatulog sobrang guilty ko, kahit di pa nalalabahan ang aking unan ng 2 linggo, talagang niyakap ko un sobrang naiinis ako...ang bait bait ko daw kasi pero bad gurl naman dating ko nung wednesday....
sabi sakin ni sir ninong ako daw ay magsori...so what I did, I bought tissue and hi-ro, peace offering kuno...pero di ko rin naibigay nung thursday...
the following day, grabe ang agony ko sa buhay...as in totally different doth-doth pag-pasok sa school...ayoko nga talaga pumunta sa gym...natakasan ko na ata...
like duh?!...kamusta ka naman..sabi ko pa naman, kahit nga wag na lang akong magbigay nang peace offering, kahit magalit siya sakin..ayoko kainin ang pride ko...*aaaahhhhh*choke*choke* mahirap ata lunukin ang pride kong mas malaki pa sa akin...
tapos 10:30 bumaba ako sa tambayan ng CCC...ewan ko ba, kinakabahan ako talaga, not because malapit ako sa gym, kundi dahil sa may mangyayari...*hala...mumu...umagang mumu*...haay, it's as if I like to pee in my pants...kabado ako....so nag-cr ako,,ang dasal ko lang talaga di ko siya makita..todo exag pa nga ako sa pag-tatago...pag-labas ko ng cr...haay...c chris...si chris bakla...sabi niya puntahan daw namin si toooot...papapicture daw siya dun, kasi may pustahan siyang gustong maiuwi ang premyo...isang evidence na may picture sila ni tooot...Php 100 lang naman, pero talagang gusto rin niya ng picture dun sa loko....haay
anu pang pwede kong gawin, todo discouragement na nga binibigay ko...gusto parin niya...kasi nga crush niya un si toooot...ayoko talga...kamusta ka naman, sa laki kong toh, nahila niya ako hanggang dun...first time kong nakita si toooot na hindi nakajersey...sabi sakin ni sir feddie 2 dahilan lang kaya di siya nakajersey...
1. kasi masakit ang katawan niya...
2. o kea, malungkot siya dahil sa hindi ko alam...
tapos tinawag ni chris si tooooot, pagkatawag niya...grabe ang cute ng smile...sobrang ngiti talga...tapos biglang bawi at nag-sabing "gusto niya ng pic kasama ka toooot.." *turo-turo si chris* sabi niya sakin, "hindi ba ikaw ang mag-papapic?" haay how I wish sana ako nalang talga yon...
tapos biglang bawi naman si chris at sinabing, "ay kuya, hindi ako mag-papapic, may ibibigay daw si dothz sayo.." *ang puso ko tumigil, talagang tumigil..*
tanong niya sakin, "oh, anu ung ibibigay mu?" naiiyak talga ako nun, sobrang saya ko...kakaiba ung feeling, sarap tumalon...ahehe...
after kong ibigay ang peace offering na potchi...sabi niya sakin,,, "sira ka talaga, vera.." tapos hindi ko na naintidihan ang iba pa niyang sinabi sakin..all i can remember was his smile and his dimples...whoe..
i am almost there..there to the place where he is...ilang hakbang nalang dothz...malapit ka na kay tooot...

***ang picture ay kinuha naming mag-pipinsan sa cathedral kung san kinasal ang aming grandparents, 50th wedding aniv***

pathetic as it seems

2007-05-25T19:59:00.001-07:00

haay nako, kamuzta naman ang ilang araw na walang tulog??? like duh, eto buhay parin naman sa awa ng Diyos...ibang klase talaga dito sa Mapua,, abnormal na ang pagiging quarter system, eh exaggerated ba mag-bigay ng mga assignments at quizzes ang mga prof..adik talaga..kakaiba! sa laki ba naman ng katawan ko eh sumusuko na ako sa hirap ng buhay dito...haay, puro nalang mga report at report...ang masaklap pa diyan, di pa po naaapreciate ang iyong report pag nasa harap ka na ng klase..di ba nila naisip na ilang gabi kong pinagpuyatan ang mga pinagagawa nilang report para lang pumasa sa subjects nila...di naman po nag-iisa ang subject ko this term noh po, puro lecture po ako this term...kamuzta naman ang fifteen units!!! INENG, FULL LOAD PO IYAN!!!minsan kahit na gusto kong mag-pakabait, dahil sa mga inaasal ng mga professors ko sakin, parang nayayamot ako...at kamuzta naman ang mga pimple na ibinunga nang pagpupuyat sa mga reports at discussion of cases na dapat by group at ikaw lang ang gumagawa...graBe! group work nga naman!! badtrip talaga...ahuhuhu, *crying, snivelling* ouchy hurtingness...3 tagyawat din yan ah, ang tagal ko pong di nag-karoon ng pimples sa mukha..pero dahil sa pagpupuyat, yan dumami nanaman...I LOVE MATSCI at MANAGEMENT!!!! kaylangan ko pong pumasa...kakaririn ko po ito!!!!ampfull...doth-doth never gets mad....but sometimes, I can just get so irritated...tama na nga yan, peace na kami ni ma'am...*hi*ahehe..aheeeeee*nadapa* aray, ang sakit ah...naalala mo kaya ako? *iniisip si neil*hekhek, isang malaking asa doth-doth....

my simple joy...

2007-05-25T19:55:00.000-07:00

*(galing po ito sa isa kong blog..)

medyo madamdamin nang konti..isang bagay lang ang masasabi ko ngayong nagsusulat ako, namimiss ko na si tooooot. Imagine, nung friday di ko man lamang siya nakita mag-laro ng maayos tapos tambak pa sila nung first half...haay nga naman....tapos nung monday, ang lakas lakas naman ng ulan dito sa intra, kea un...di ako nakapanuod...ilang beses akong nagtatanong kung tama ba itong ginagawa ko o talaga bang hibang na ako? ewan ko ba? maraming beses kong naiisip,panu na lang kung ang nag-iisa kong panaginip ay magkatotoo? haay, ang saya-saya ko siguro...pero mas madalas kong maisip, kahit kelan, di pwede ang langit sa lupa o kahit ang lupa sa langit...ang taong minamahal ko ay nasa alapaap. Na aking tinitingala at hinahangaan..(mula sa malayo) isang tao na iba ang propesyon, malayo sa aking kinatatayuan. sobrang saya ko nga pagnakikita ko lang siya. Kahit sulyap lang, konting papansin sa gym at kunwari may hinahanap kaya umuupo sa may bench ng players. Pero isa lang naman ng motibo-ang makita ang kaisa-isang dahilan ng pag-tibok ng puso ni doth-doth..haay..kahapon, hindi ko siya nakita...kahit sulyap lang...sobrang pa-pam-pam na nga ako eh, daan ako ng daan sa dorm nila sa may canteen, nag-babakasakaling makita ko siya..kasi naman no! di ko siya makausap ng maayos...hiya ako eh...dumaan din ako ng dept nila, baka sakali, pati nga tambayan dumaan din ako. No sign of him talaga..is it like what I am thinkin' of? butterflies in my stomach, smiling whenever I suddenly think of him? And laugh at his corny jokes and still laugh at it even though I've heard it a couple of times? wow, doth-doth, congrats *confetti*drumroll*tada!* in-love ka na! *doth-doth makes a bow*lagi ko siyang kinekwento sa parents ko, lagi nilang sinasabi okay lang yan, di ka naman papansinin nyan *:((* kawawa naman ako, kamusta ka naman di ba? halleour...oo nga naman, lagi ko ksi siyang tinitingala, ang tangkad niya kasi...haay...gwapo pa...today, as I end this debut blog of mine, sana makita ko siya today. Wala lang, para naman masaya ako...i wish all the best in his basketball career..tooooot, i will always be there watching you..and praying that one day you'll see me too *hala, ang drama, corny naman*

my sim

2007-05-25T19:54:00.000-07:00

i'm sooo happy

2007-05-02T00:48:00.000-07:00

wahehe, ngaun lang ako ulit nag-upload...

masaya lang kasi talaga ako eh,,,

halo-halong emosyon ngaun

diluted...

2006-11-20T15:23:00.000-08:00

the one thing I hate about this world is that it is so unfair. Why? You know what? I have been praying for somebody for the past four years. There is this guy that I really like and every single characteristic I prayed for was in him. Was it just a BIG, BIG coincidence? My goodness! And of course, I still continued to pray for him to get to know me better and love me much. It started with simple text messages, then you know how the story goes from then on.

but why is it, that these past few days he has not been talking to me. Whenever he sees me in the corridor, he never even bother to notice me. He saw me naman noh, like duh...well, anyway, he got really cold. Since then I started thinking about anything I have done that he did not like or turned him off. But not even a single reason for him to act that way. I totally am denying that fact of life that he might have changed his heart towards me. No, I don't want to think that way. I should always think positively...

"dothz, focus, focus...that is nothing. Dothz, I know that you know that you can smile every problem away..." whoe, but why is it that some of my friends still notice the bleakness depth in my eyes, even though I smile and laugh a lot? Is it too much for me to handle? I mean, at least, I didn't gave my heart away. I still have something to be happy about. But everybody knows that loosing someone you have been praying for years is really painful. Especially, when you don't know the real reason behind the coldness he shows you.

well, my bro nash and sis melissa told me that he might have reached the stage of witholding his feelings back. I mean, did I really pushed him too far that he has already fallen for me to? my goodness gracious.. that he is only testing himself if he can witstand not texting, seeing or talking to me. I hope and pray that he will not retreat from this intimate something that is going on. But as they always remind me, GUARD YOUR HEART... which I really never forget whenever I'm with him.

alam n'yo, sobrang sakit umasa...lalo na kung meron talaga siyang motibo. masakit pa lalo pag-iiwasan ka nalang niya bigla-bigla. He should have talked to me regarding that matter. He sounded so immature tuloy. whatever has happened between us, in the span of a month, is already a blessing to me. i really love him that is why i cannot hate him or anything... basta...un na un....

special thanks to teree gil guillermo's jokes and advices last night...teEgeE, thanks talaga utol...

about sa pic, that was taken a day before his b-day sa CCC tambayan...

i stroke my feet onto the rock....OUCH!

2006-10-30T18:52:00.000-08:00

i have never felt this way before...

this is really annoying...

honestly, I HATE IT...

it was as if,

i am a criminal..

what have I done wrong...

kasi naman eh,

I told this foolish heart of mine

not to expect too much...

ayan, kasi...

nagaway tuloy kayo...

sinong kawawa ngayon?

xempre, ako lang naman..

wala nang iba..

masyado mong mahal...

di mo naman,

kung ikaw talaga mahal niya..

nakakainis talaga...

sakit ah..

namisinterpret ata niya

ang sinabe ko kagabi...

di na ako kinausap..

huhuhu..

haay..

sabi ko kasi,

wag na muna ako itext,

at ienjoy niya ang presence ng barkada...

di ko naman sinabing,

wag na akong itext ever...

grabe..

pero,

feeling nya siguro..

he felt that as if...

AsIF...

I AM PUSHING HIM AWAY...

i never meant that way...

badtrip,

nasaktan ko ata

ego niya...

ano kaya gagawin ko?

i cannot afford a day,

without him...

he is like,

my smelly pillow,

or even my favorite chuckie drink...

waah!! ^o^

isang araw palang,

parang di ko na kaya!!!

all the more,

nasa bataan pa siya...

no wonder i am sooooo sad...

he already

is a part

of who I am...

and now,

I can really say...

I MISS HIM BADLY...

i really feel,

that i have hurt

his pride and ego...

yan kasi...

twing napapatingin

ako sa phone ko

oh kea

sa unan ko,

ikaw naaalala ko...

sorry na talaga...

I promise not to do it again...