hmmmm, mali pa la ung nabigay kong adress sa bago kong blog eto po ung link:
trueheartedwords.blogspot.com
Saturday, November 03, 2007
MALING ADRES!!!
Saturday, October 20, 2007
New Account
I'll create a new blog..this will be my last post for this site...
the new one will be named:
the new one will be named:
take care...vera dorothy d. cruzem
Sunday, September 23, 2007
IT PAYS TO SERVE THE LORD
Sept. 24, 2007
6:20 a.m
medjo parang palakol ung iba, okay lang yon!
2.63 pala average ko, naputol kasi!
grabe, tagal ko nang walang update...
shocks, sobrang bait talaga ni Lord!
come to think of it?
I stiil can't believe that God has passed me in all my subjects this term..
I would've never passed any if not of His merciful hand upon me...
Sabi nga sa Romans 8:28
"For God causes ALL things to work together for the good of those who love him and are called according to His purpose for them."
And I am a living testimony
Monday, August 27, 2007
teka lang naman db?
“Remember Oh God, all that I have done, and bless me for it…”
-Nehemiah
Hey, I am here again.. it’s been quite a long time since the last time I made a post in my site..well, what can I say? I feel really awkward these past few weeks, and if you are asking me…even I can’t explain it. Sige, like before, random thoughts ulit tau…
why is the quote, “the more things change, the more they stay the same,” seem like true to me na?
look, I have let go na…but hey, sabi ko nga sa recent post ko, I am still a human, and am still in-love with the same person. Together with that letting go process is the acceptance that there might never be a ‘vera p____l’ occurance, no more sweet nothings, no more early morning conversations, no more talk until you drop phone calls, and no more 6-footer protecting me, ever again (I hope not…). For, I think about a month or so, I really cried my eyeballs out, ung feeling na parang wala ng bukas para umiyak. Then, numerous of restless and sleepless nights came haunting me down. I really need to be very discreet in crying, in those days, coz my family might hear me, and I don’t want to be any kind of burden to them. I love them enough not to tell them that me and that guy’s days are all over. Until now, they are asking me wha’t up and what’s down regarding us. I just swallow and answer the safest that I can think, “uhm, okay naman po lahat mama…” pero ang totoo, hindi talaga okay coz there’s something wrong all along…
the more they stay the same,,,,shocks ang hirap pala talaga i-explain, but I hope you can get my point…:
In the month of mending and restoring, through God’s healing mighty power, I really had a tough time accepting everything—it’s basically like a culture shock for me. Cause, that was the first time, I really fell in-love with a Christian guy, then malalaman ko sa huli, kapareho lang siya nuing ibang guys jan. wala parin talagang kwenta ang lahat. Sige, nako lumalayo na ako sa point…balik tau ulit…pag let go ko, sumasaya na ako ulit. Then almost a month na ngayon, weekly he is texting and calling me again. But this time, I was not filled with joy in the occurrence. Fear ----that is what I am feeling now. Fear of failing again, fear of giving a piece of my heart away by hoping that he would love me again. It really seems like a big deal to me! Four straight weeks he is asking me to accompany him to my home church. Before kasi, talagang I was inviting him sa church, but he never was interested in going there naman. Tapus ngaun, parang nag-i-initiate pa siya na samahan ko siya sa church. It’s a good motive naman, kaya lang…it does still hurts! Just imagine with me, the fresh wound that was stitched by God’s hand is now being threatened to be unstitched because of that person’s doing.
And I have noticed that he is really doing ways to talk to me, like just for an instance----he texted me if I had hillsong dvds…if he could borrow one…eh we have common guy friends that are much more avid hillsong-nians than me noh…why borrow from me.
Isa pa, his teammate, Erwin ‘wency’ cornejo is my classmate in Mechanics, once we crossed paths sa canteen, and he just said awkwardly that “ui, hinahanap ka ni wency,” bigla ko nalang nasabi, “ah talaga..” then walked away. When I saw wency, sabi nya He was not looking for me naman daw.
Ano ba talaga ung taong yon? Ano bang gusto niyang mangyari,,,you know for three straight weeks, I really gave him reasons para lang hindi siya masamahan sa church….AYOKO na ulit masaktan…
I am so afraid, afraid of the unknown-----the unknown feelings he still possesses for me, until now. Time and my feelings are changing—but it seems like, as long as he is still around, clinging to me again, grasping onto my feet for a hold---everything stays the same…all the bitter and sweet memories..sometimes, I really hate reminiscing it once again.
It’s awkward to feel this way; I hope this would be over….coz the more I ponder about it…the more frightened I am becoming of being loved and left, after he says: “I AM DONE WITH YOU….”
I am still being a good and nice friend, but I hope one day—with all my might I could ask him, WHY he left, why he can’t wait, and why is he back…..
I am praying that he would try to compare me to his girl now, and say that: “si dotha hindi ganito mag-isip, namimiss ko siya kasi marami siyang nagagawa para sakin na hindi kayang gawin ni Jamie,,,sana hindi ko nalang iniwan si dotha…ang bait pa din niya, kahit madalas eh hindi ko siya iniintindi...pasensyosa siya, di katulad ni Jamie...”
Thy will be done Lord, don’t let me be bitter to guys again….
-Nehemiah
Hey, I am here again.. it’s been quite a long time since the last time I made a post in my site..well, what can I say? I feel really awkward these past few weeks, and if you are asking me…even I can’t explain it. Sige, like before, random thoughts ulit tau…
why is the quote, “the more things change, the more they stay the same,” seem like true to me na?
look, I have let go na…but hey, sabi ko nga sa recent post ko, I am still a human, and am still in-love with the same person. Together with that letting go process is the acceptance that there might never be a ‘vera p____l’ occurance, no more sweet nothings, no more early morning conversations, no more talk until you drop phone calls, and no more 6-footer protecting me, ever again (I hope not…). For, I think about a month or so, I really cried my eyeballs out, ung feeling na parang wala ng bukas para umiyak. Then, numerous of restless and sleepless nights came haunting me down. I really need to be very discreet in crying, in those days, coz my family might hear me, and I don’t want to be any kind of burden to them. I love them enough not to tell them that me and that guy’s days are all over. Until now, they are asking me wha’t up and what’s down regarding us. I just swallow and answer the safest that I can think, “uhm, okay naman po lahat mama…” pero ang totoo, hindi talaga okay coz there’s something wrong all along…
the more they stay the same,,,,shocks ang hirap pala talaga i-explain, but I hope you can get my point…:
In the month of mending and restoring, through God’s healing mighty power, I really had a tough time accepting everything—it’s basically like a culture shock for me. Cause, that was the first time, I really fell in-love with a Christian guy, then malalaman ko sa huli, kapareho lang siya nuing ibang guys jan. wala parin talagang kwenta ang lahat. Sige, nako lumalayo na ako sa point…balik tau ulit…pag let go ko, sumasaya na ako ulit. Then almost a month na ngayon, weekly he is texting and calling me again. But this time, I was not filled with joy in the occurrence. Fear ----that is what I am feeling now. Fear of failing again, fear of giving a piece of my heart away by hoping that he would love me again. It really seems like a big deal to me! Four straight weeks he is asking me to accompany him to my home church. Before kasi, talagang I was inviting him sa church, but he never was interested in going there naman. Tapus ngaun, parang nag-i-initiate pa siya na samahan ko siya sa church. It’s a good motive naman, kaya lang…it does still hurts! Just imagine with me, the fresh wound that was stitched by God’s hand is now being threatened to be unstitched because of that person’s doing.
And I have noticed that he is really doing ways to talk to me, like just for an instance----he texted me if I had hillsong dvds…if he could borrow one…eh we have common guy friends that are much more avid hillsong-nians than me noh…why borrow from me.
Isa pa, his teammate, Erwin ‘wency’ cornejo is my classmate in Mechanics, once we crossed paths sa canteen, and he just said awkwardly that “ui, hinahanap ka ni wency,” bigla ko nalang nasabi, “ah talaga..” then walked away. When I saw wency, sabi nya He was not looking for me naman daw.
Ano ba talaga ung taong yon? Ano bang gusto niyang mangyari,,,you know for three straight weeks, I really gave him reasons para lang hindi siya masamahan sa church….AYOKO na ulit masaktan…
I am so afraid, afraid of the unknown-----the unknown feelings he still possesses for me, until now. Time and my feelings are changing—but it seems like, as long as he is still around, clinging to me again, grasping onto my feet for a hold---everything stays the same…all the bitter and sweet memories..sometimes, I really hate reminiscing it once again.
It’s awkward to feel this way; I hope this would be over….coz the more I ponder about it…the more frightened I am becoming of being loved and left, after he says: “I AM DONE WITH YOU….”
I am still being a good and nice friend, but I hope one day—with all my might I could ask him, WHY he left, why he can’t wait, and why is he back…..
I am praying that he would try to compare me to his girl now, and say that: “si dotha hindi ganito mag-isip, namimiss ko siya kasi marami siyang nagagawa para sakin na hindi kayang gawin ni Jamie,,,sana hindi ko nalang iniwan si dotha…ang bait pa din niya, kahit madalas eh hindi ko siya iniintindi...pasensyosa siya, di katulad ni Jamie...”
Thy will be done Lord, don’t let me be bitter to guys again….
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
ohh rain...
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what runs through my mind now...
Hmmmmmm,
let me see....
since this morning, the rain hasn't stop pouring down, and seems like it will still continue for a couple of days.
that so-called chedeng chorva is calling his tagmate dudong or dodong, and it was said to be here in the Philippine area of responsibility tomorrow.
the good thing about it, there will be no classes in ALL levels! It alarms me to wake up as late as 1 in the afternoon..but the sad part about it--my body wakes up at 5 a.m, whether with or without the cooperation of my brain.
So what's the big deal? I really wanted to still sleep but my body says that it's time to get up and do something...as if its ticking the sound alarm telling me to get up lazy bum. (hey, I am not a bum! I am just trying to rest for a while,,amp :p) It is not all the time that there are seasons like these, so might as well get the most out of it---SLEEP until sundown(exag)
***
well, you see, I am still human--and I confess that I am still in-love with the same man I have been praying for quiet a long time now. The Lord answered my prayer, because I requested not to see him for a long time..It was only yesterday that I saw him. I have realized one thing in the process..that I am still young to think about chorva stuffs. And I think the 'kilig' factor stage is what satisfies me, not the deep intimate commitment or whatsoever you want to call it.
The fact that I saw him yesterday was already a blessing to me, and it put an end to a 4-week dry spell :p Right now, the encounter still stays fresh in my memory. As if it’s continuously playing in my real or media player. (it would be better if next time I’ll try to keep even the exact words in the scenario!) It’s not all the time that I can come across someone so stupid as that big guy. Yes, you read it right, I did call him stupid—stupid in the sense that he fell for me even though he knew the detours and caution sign that I am determined to have no commitment to any guy until the day I get my college diploma. Well, on the counterpart, I also am stupid to fall for him. Haha,, I really don’t care whatsoever if he is enjoying the company of a girl he is dating. What I truly care about is what is yielding on him. Is that girl a good or bad influence on him? That I don’t know. But I had all the resources in the world, I would love to know.
These past few weeks of not seeing him, I heard that he hasn’t gone to church since July(that’s so sad :c). But he keeps his devotions properly by meeting the Lord every night (makimaki, thanks for the info). The girl he is dating is not a christian, and she is teegee’s cousin-but nonetheless, still not a believer. On this stuff, I am really bitter-sweet. Why? Because I remember our conversations regarding this ‘do-not-be-yolked-with-unbelievers’ thingy. He would say that he will run from it. But now, as I am seeing it, he is indulging in. I just hope he gets out of it before something serious happens.
Well, enough of that stuff :p
I pray that he will seek more of God, and that God will deal with him. And I hope that he listens well.
***
I am happy that the cardinals won their game versus the letran knights. It was really nail-biting, but God is good to give the win and to keep their desire alive to be in the final four this season. By the way, to makimaki and tonton: nice hair cut. Groom well!
***
What the?! Its so late already, I didn’t even noticed it. Well that’s it for me now. Hhhhhhhhhhmmmmm, I wish I should have brought anything home to study, so that my time would be used wisely. Well, I’ll try to go to mapua tomorrow to get some stuffs home.
Night.
!God is good all the time!
Sunday, July 29, 2007
UPDATE NO.2
YAN ANG GUSTO KONG SABIHIN...
ang tunay na pag-ibig ay naghihintay kahit gaano kahirap at kasakit...
kasi hindi lang naman ako lagi nag-papahirap ng lalaking nagmamahal sakin (dati),
hindi rin ako nagpapa-hard to get...
at lalong hindi ako nag-papaasa..
ganun lang po talaga ako, kaya churi sa mga iba ang perspective pagdating dito
(pasensya po sa pagiging emosyonal ^o^)
ang masakit lang sa lahat ng nangyayari,
walang makaintindi sakin...
pero it's okay, bacause not all the time , people will be there to hear your side.
[para lang makarelease ako, gusto kong malaman ninyo]
mahal ko siya, pero hindi lang talaga siya mapakali at
naghanap na siya ng iba...
sayang...sayang...
why?
coz I already saw his "sincere" ways, pero wala eh..
ganun talaga...
pasensya sa pagiging bitter
^o^
naiiyak ko na sa Lord nang mga limang beses ang pangyayaring iyon...
kaya masasabi ko na okay na ko kahit papano...
isa pang masakit na bagay sa pangyayaring ito:
I lost my best friend--teegee
kasi couz niya ang chino-chorva nung lalaking itech...
nilason ni neil ang friendship namin, at pati ang kay teegee...
sayang ang isang taon,,
badtrip po talaga...
KAYA KO TO! with the Lord with me,
I will be fine and well
tutal naman, nabuhay ako dati nang wala silang dalawa,
ngayon---mabubuhay pa din ako kahit wala na sila!!!
HINDI SILA KAWALAN...AKO ANG KAWALAN NILA
((evil chuckles))
basta churi po sa mga pinagsasabi ko...
at sa mga kaybigan, salamat sa pag-comfort..
sa mga pinsan at kapatid na ma-churving(potpot)
thanks for letting me see beyond that big man...
I saw daylite (with sun cellular ^o^, acheche!)
"people who are not willing to wait will never be worthy of someone's love..."
[stupid but true]
Sunday, July 08, 2007
update on dothz^o^
I NEED YOU TO LOVE ME
by Barlow Girl
Why, why are You still with me?
Didn't You see what I've done?I
n my shame I want to run and hide myself
But it's here I see the truth
I don't deserve You
(Chorus:)
But I need You to love me,
and I,
I won't keep my heart from You this time
I'll stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me
I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing You away from me
I just never saw how much You could cherish me
Cuz You're a God who has all things
And still You want me
(Chorus)
Your love makes me forget what I have been
Your love makes me see who I really am
Your love makes me forget what I have been
(Chorus)
*********senti mode**********
tagal na nang huli kong post....
hindi ko alam, pero hindi talaga ako masaya..
I mean, kahit anung pilit kong maging masaya,
sa labas okay lang ako.
pero pag ako nalang, shox
di ko na kinakaya..tsk3
pinipilit ko na hindi talaga ma-bitter kasi siguro may mga bagay na hindi ko talaga kayang mabago.. kasi may destiny na hindi para sayo pero pilit mong kinukuha---ganun lang talaga siguro.
Tama na siguro ung naging akin siya kahit sandali lang...baka prinepepare lang siya para sa taong para sa kanya..or kung para sa akin siya--di pa talaga ngaun.
so bakit ba ako nagkakaganito:
well eto po un
nalaman ko sa best friend ni papi na nakipag-date siya
sa pinsan ng best friend kong lalaki, kay tol.
noong thursday (July 19, 2007)
five times kami nagkita nung lalaking yon dito sa mapua
pero kahit isang beses, wala siyang sinabi sakin.
feeling ko nung araw na un, sobrang neglected ko talaga...
iniiwasan niya ako nang walang dahilan.
naiiyak talaga ako ngaun habang nagkekwento ako ngaun.
guilty talaga siguro siya...tinext ko nga si maki nung gabi, sabi ko.
"kua mac, wala lang huhuhu..."
sabi niya sakin:
'vera, lam ko na yan, pauwi na siya galing rob..'
tapus tinext ko si utol(t.g):
tol, ka-date ba ni papi ung couz mo?
(t.g):
yep tol, nasa rob sila ngaun. sabi ni insan ihahatid pa daw siya sa bahay.
(vera)
ah, ganun ba? pede ba malaman kung si papi ang nag-aya ng date?
(t.g)
opo, si papi po. sori, hindi ko un kontrolado...kaya mo yan tol
(vera)
with that, I think it's all over....thanks anyway
simula nung araw na un, hindi na ko nag-text kay t.g, kasama na din ang pag-sunog ng ilang sulat ni papi sakin for since October 22, 2006. i even tried to call him, but there was no response. I hate everything about it now. But I never want to be bitter.
I will stay strong, because I am suffering in silence
EVERYBODY thinks I am fine,
but I am Not...
tama talaga si mama...
wala nga siguro akong mapapala sa taong kilala...
sa isang taong sikat at tinitingala ng lahat ng tao dito sa school.
Marami nang nagsasasabi sakin ng iba't ibang bagay, hindi ko na alam kung sino ang pakikinggan...
masakit talaga ito, lalo na--tagal ko tong pinagpepray...
PERO ITS ALL OVER...
life must go on...
I should stay strong
or else, I will definitely have a breakdown.
